The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
