My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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