I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
