you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
