I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
