nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just pynch a tree in the face
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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