yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
