I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
