Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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