Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
