I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You took a bar mat shot.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
