Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
