You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
