just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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