i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
