Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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