I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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