Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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