Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
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I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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