Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
