I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you guys were way drunker than both of me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
