If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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