I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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