i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
