apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
