i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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