And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
