Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
