a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
