She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
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the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
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"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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