Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize