two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
