Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's Friday. Sex?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
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The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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