I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
40s are totally the cure
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
