Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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