$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
