No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
