I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she peed on how many people?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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