I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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