remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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