Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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