its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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