i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
