i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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