mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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