When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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