Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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