all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is this like a preordered booty call?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
