You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
