you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
