I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
