I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
