They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
