Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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