the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
