office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
