The maid of honor just puked.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
