dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
