The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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