As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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