Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
