You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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