i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
