I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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