And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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