Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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