i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
