i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
