This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
