i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Boobs are out for the taking
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
