She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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