how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
