ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
