I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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