I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just want nice things and good sex
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have fence marks all over my body
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
