Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
