turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
