Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
