Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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