sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
