i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
