This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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